Sunday, April 20, 2008

Food Journal MIA

OK, what's going on? Well, I had a crazy busy week, and I lost my camera (no photos or video for 3-4 days). My food has been crazy. Jessica and I re-evaluated our parameters on sugars in our diet, we both felt as if the original purpose, which was to drop some weight and feel better, was not our experience so we agreed that dried fruit and natural sugars were allowed within normal serving sizes....in other words....moderation!

Obvious white sugar and fake sugars are not allowed. Neither one of us experienced any kind of sugar withdrawl, and both of us experienced the same kind of crazy 'trade-offs' of foods we would never normally eat, like bread & butter, chips, and many more higher calorie choices like nuts.

I'm also having some crazy thoughts about food journaling, at this point, for myself. I think food journaling is, and can be extemely valuable, but for me, at this time, I feel as if I'm putting too much focus on my food, more specifically, calorie counting. It's creating stress. OK....being accountable for it, on my blog, is more like the truth.

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in making the "perfect" food choice, the "perfect" calorie count, that I over think it, and craziness happens. Of course, craziness doesn't just happen to me, nothing jumps onto my plate, or into my mouth, I chose for myself. But for some reason it's creating, or I'm letting it create anxiety. OK, I've talked myself through it........

Saturday AM weight 135.8
7:00am KB's
8:00am Bikram yoga
10:30 KB demos

coffee w/cream 120 cal.
apple ginger salad 120 cal.
white beans and lamb stew w/greens 400 cal.

Total calories 640 cal.

This was a low calorie day to make up for a oatmeal/brown rice/raisin/yogurt binge at 7:30pm the night before.

Sunday AM weight 135.6
10:o0am Bikram yoga
7:00pm 1 hour walk

coffee/cream 90 cal.
orange 80 cal.
oats 150 cal
nuts/dried fruit 600 cal.
pizza foccacia bread (2 1/2) @ Farmers Market 800 cal.
more nuts....I don't want to say.......craziness

Craziness. I thought about swinging for 45 minutes, but my front left deltoid is sore from snatching on Friday and I really need to recover in time for a killer workout tomorrow morning. I'm not going to like what I see on the scale tomorrow, but this I know.....I train hard.....I show up and never miss. I've been consistent like crazy with my yoga practice. and I'm going for a crazy, hauling ass walk right now! (I already posted it so I have to go, lol)

There's alot of pressure to be perfect. In fact, I have some anxiety about questioning myself whether or not I could "walk the talk", and Mark reminded me that I do walk the talk....everyday. Walking the talk isn't about being perfect, a perfect 1500 calorie day, or being a perfect size 6, but moving in the direction I know I want to go, even though it feels hard.

Life is good. Sometimes life feels hard, but everyday I feel luckier than the day before....everyday.

8 comments:

Kelly O said...

Tracy, wow. It is so good to read your blog and realize I'm not alone in my thoughts. You might be interested to read my post for today, which was talking about the same thing....I hate obsessing over being perfect with my eats because I feel as though I set myself up for bingeing, where I wonder, and I want to try to just eat "intuitively", be reasonable, enjoy life in moderation...I feel like I'm constantly telling myself, I cannot eat this, or that or that or that...and its like being scolded or grounded every day!! that doesn't seem right.

Amy said...

Tracy,

It seems this journey is more about our heads than our bodies. lol

My husband (and trainer and family and friends) all tell me I think too much (i.e., worry). Then I think, "Do I? I can't really help it. I just do. Yada, Yada, Yada." Seeing that you have the same self-talk is comforting. Knowing I'm not the only one is a relief. Strength in numbers, yah know!

Four days to the RKC!! I am super-bummed that you won't be there. Send me positive thoughts!

Tracy said...

Kelly,

The good news.....we already know life is full of joy and goodness, and we came here to experience it!

Food is joy and goodness.

We are joy and goodness.

Tracy said...

Amy,

I always say that I'm in a perpetual state of over-thinking! Although, you know, I haven't said that lately, lol! Maybe I'm over it!

I need to think about relaxing! Yes, I think I'll do that...overthink relaxing, letting go.....

I so wish I was going to the RKC! I don't like participating as much as I like just "crashing" it, LOL I hope I don't get in trouble for saying that! (whoops)

fawn said...

Tracy,
I will miss our crashing the RKC next weekend!!! I think everyone will miss us, we are almost regular crashers now.

I no longer buy nuts, they seam to be something I eat to much of, then regret latter. Craziness is caused by nuts! Just thought I would share that after reading your comment.

Tracy said...

Fawn,

No worries, plenty more Certs to crash! Next one...Level 2 in June!

Amy said...

If you crash the level 2 cert in June, I'll be there!! I am only 200 miles from the Twin Cities. LMK!!

Tracy said...

Amy,

Lot's of people ar going to be there in June, in fact I'm trying to organize a 10 min snatch test get together! Along with some "Tracy Style" workouts @ the Press Gym with Fawn. You gotta come!