Friday, June 26, 2009

Coming Full Circle....and remembering 1000 Island

When do we know we've "come full circle"? Literally, I guess, it means we take off in a certain direction and then come back to where we this a good thing? Well, let me break it down.....

When I wrote this I was thinking about how I used to eat, and how I ended up more than 100lbs overweight. Then I started eating better, lost the extra weight (and then some, lol), maintained that weight for 2 years before I gained a few pounds, and then this past 1 1/2 years lost it again, gained it back....and then a little more.....and now faced with the decision of where to go from here. No, I'm not 100lbs overweight, but I'm a full size bigger than I say I want to be and I'm not moving in the direction I think I should be. So, I guess my "circle" started with dieting, and now is back to that same place, "dieting".

Having to "diet", to "restrict" only happens when you overendulge. I should be damn happy that I've been able to spoil myself rotten with some great food, and great wine in abundance. Why can't I be happy with great food, and wine, in reasonable amounts? Because I'm a spoiled baby, that's why.....that, and tons of other reasons, but let's get back to the "dieting".

Our physical bodies reflect how we live our lives. The size of our bodies reflect how much food we eat, or don't eat, and the composition of our bodies reflect the quality of our foods and how much we move...exercise, or not exercise. That's simply put, of course. Ultimately I don't want to overeat, or overexercise. and I'm working on that, lol! But for now, here I am, not really wanting to restrict my foods, or the amount of food I want to eat.....haven't I been here before? So where's the balance? Is the balance settling for a higher bodyweight as a result of eating more food than my body needs to maintain a lower bodyweight? I settled for weighing over 250lbs for a time in my life, I certainly don't want that again, but where will it stop?

Dieting can't be a way of life for me, that I know. But overeating, emotionally overeating can't be either. I'll keep you posted.


Remember Thousand Island salad dressing? Talk about coming full circle.....back in the day......I would go out to dinner as a young girl with my family, dinner always came with a small green salad and what else? Your choice, of course, of Ranch, Thousand Island, or I-talian dressing (sometimes blue cheese), I always went for the 1000 Island.....probably because it was sweet, lol!

Well, as I was making a salad for dinner the other night, with my usual cabbage salad mix, the only protein I had ready cooked was a beef patty, so I thought, hmmnn.....hamburger.....ketchup.....what about making some 1000 Island dressing? I think you just add ketchup and pickle relish, to mayonaise (or yogurt mayo combination, in my case), and voila!
plain yogurt/ mayo
sweet pickle relish
hot sauce
I started my dressing with some leftover roasted garlic dressing (yogurt/mayo/lemon/roasted garlic), and then added ketchup, sweet pickle relish, Sirachi hot sauce, and fresh chives (because I had them).....not bad, lol!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I'm not done.....quite yet

Blogging has been dead for me, although for some reason I'm trying to hang on, maybe because it used to be fun.....blogging is a black hole.

Mark started his blog years ago, in fact he was the first kettlebell athlete to start his online training journal and many followed him, including myself. He had kept a hardcopy training journal since he started training decades ago, but in the age of computers he started blogging simply as a way to record his own workouts. It then evolved into his thoughts about training, and about how his training reflected who he was. He touched so many with his own experiences and because his nature is to teach and coach, he was always more than willing to explain further by answering questions and comments about not only his methods and techniques, but his philosophy about how other parts of life run parallel. His blog was truly the example....brilliant. I feel both of our blogs gave alot......alot of good, solid information about training. But no matter how much you give, people want more......and sometimes that's OK, until it isn't.

Mark and I get up early in the morning (around 4am) and instead of blog we sit, drink our coffee and talk until he has to go to work, or I have to go to class. We still train our asses off! In fact, every week we train Max Vo2 together on Tues. afternoons, when we don't "feel" like it, but too bad for us! And everytime we finish, whether it's a mere 50 sets, or 70-80 sets, we high five, or hug, or kiss and know that we did something great. We did, together, what most couples, most people, can't make themselves do, no matter how good their intentions are.

Although I don't write much about the details of my training, or the details about my "diet" or bodyweight, it's still a big part of my is my life. I guess I'm too busy actually living it to write about it.

Tracy's Training schedule

Monday, 1 hour,
Tuesday (Max 30-45 min),
Thursdays, 1 hour, and
Saturdays (2 hours of teaching and swinging)

Bikram yoga
I used to train Bikram average 9 classes a week, I'm cutting back this week to only 5-6 classes per week (we'll see if I actually do cut back, lol)

I had been walking so little that I'm actually out of shape to walk fast or long! Many of my walks had only been 1-2 miles, as few as only twice a week. I'm changing that this week.....and I'll write a blogpost about this in more detail.

Since I started teaching swing classes at Equniox, in Palo Alto, I can take other classes there at no charge, so I thought I would take advantage of trying the Spinning classes. I started 3 weeks ago with only one class, then 2, then 3, and now 4 per week (Mon., Tues, Thurs, and Fri)

I'm training more than ever, but I'm also eating more than ever, lol! I still cook and prepare all of my own foods, choosing vegetables as the main ingredients of my meals, that'll never change. But in addition to trying to define who I am as an athlete I'm also trying to find the "balance" of how I want to live my life by deciding exactly how much I want to "diet", and how that will reflect, naturally, my bodyweight.

More to come......when? Who knows.....but I'm not done, quite yet.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Are You Kidding?

Every so often I'm sent a link from a friend who gets emails from various individuals looking for weightloss stories. More than likely these individuals are writing their own books on this subject and they (obviously) don't have first hand experience, so they are looking for someone elses. I never responded to any of these leads, until recently. I thought, "what the heck" who knows, maybe something will come of this stuff. The last one I responded to was titled "Shedding pounds", here's the email I got back.....

"Hi Tracy,

Thank you for your response. My book is focusing on body, mind and spirit and the reasons we eat.

Can you share what life was like for you, what your journey entailed and what life is like now?"

My first thoughts were, "Oh brother! Body, mind and spirit....join the club, are you kidding? Body, mind and spirit, what the f*@# does that mean? And the reasons we eat? Good Lord, where do we start? And it's not about the reasons we eat, it's about the reasons we overeat!"

First of all the body. The "body", the physical body eats when it's hungry, no freakin' mystery there. But the "mind and spirit" (the same thing in my opinion), if I knew the one answer to the reasons why we are "driven" to overeat, why I am driven to overeat, then I'd write my own freakin' book about it! Hasn't this subject been "done to death"? Good Lord! I think that's why I've had a problem blogging lately.....people just want to commiserate about it, not actually do anything about it....and that's fine......(don't forget to imagine the violins playing, lol).

I eat what I want to eat, I overeat when I want to overeat, until I don't. I exercise, and overexercise, until I don't want to....right now I want to. I don't really care about the deep psychological reasons why. But I actually started to write a reply to her request, here's part of it......

My a nut shell.

Abandoned by a parent always looking for validation and a way to sooth the pain of all kinds of stuff, but that's probably the core emotion, validation, why wasn't I good enough?. Grew up in a low income household and had to "get while the getting was good". Always afraid of not having enough.....enough food, enough toys, enough clothing, even enough respect. I was always aware that we weren't good enough because we were poor. My mother overcompensated by making sure we were impecably clean and dressed, making most of our clothing (she, herself, a perfectionist...that's where I get it I suppose). My mother was a unwed mother in the 60's, in addition to being not caucasian, and having to deal with racism. (another reason I knew we were judged)

I remember overeating at about the age of 4 years, and from that point I was always the "chubby" kid. It wasn't until my 20's that I can say that I started overeating compulsively,

This is when I stopped. I stopped because I realized what a huge request this person was asking me for....again.....are you kidding? This person wanted me to share with her what MY LIFE was like, what MY JOURNEY entailed, and what MY LIFE is like now! If I finished this, it would be my own book....and who really cares anyway? Good God.....MY one freakin' email....are you kidding? (I never finished it, or sent this part of it)

We all have "OUR STUFF", some of us have some of the same stuff, but it comes out in different ways, so what are the answers? Bottom line, I guess, is it comes down to awareness, and wanting something different enough to put into action change.

Life is good. My life is good, and I'm not kidding.

PS because of the very personal nature of this blog post I'm not sure I won't delete if you get the chance to have read it I hope it provides some value to your own journey. Now, I'm off to spinning class.....