Friday, April 12, 2013

Everyday I get to wake up, start again, and decide who I am and who I want to be!

My training is pretty much all over the place right now, and my life and my body are going through some changes simultaneously...coincidence?  Hmnn...  I don't really care, I just want to be on some kind of solid ground.

Looking at my calendar, SFG was just 4 short weeks ago and physically I haven't been the same since. I came home with a hamstring injury that was not caused by the Certification weekend of training and practicing, in fact I'm pretty sure it has to do with my Bikrams practice, but that's another story, but obviously it has greatly affected my life.  Although I still go to Bikrams yoga, my practice as I knew it before SFG is no longer.  Emotionally, after being pissed and angry now I feel sad and a little lost when I let myself.  And of course the thoughts of "this is happening for a reason" keep me looking for the good in this experience, and I can think of some good but I don't care about the why's I just want to feel better!

"Starting again is not the same as starting over. Everytime we start again we don't lose the experience of our first steps, we bring them with us. We don't forget our beginning, we learn from it. Our beginnings give us the base to define where we are currently, and where we need to go. I just need to keep moving forward and simply readjust the speed of the journey, of the adventure....of the experience" (Jan 2008) Decide who I am and who I want to be!  (April 2013

I wrote those words this past January to remind myself that life is what you make of it. For me, focusing on the things that I do know, instead of trying to figure out and worry about the details life has yet to bring. (March 2008)

Why is it that the thought of having to start a new kind of yoga practice piss me off, but starting a new kind of kettlebell practice doesn't?  Why is one exciting and the other depressing?  I guess it's all how you choose to look at it.  I'm not saying that at times all of it never feels painful, both emotionally and physically, because I have had those painful, angry, and lost, feelings and thoughts.  So on a positive note....

I'm still going to my yoga practice, but enjoying learning some of the postures 'the right way'!  I'm going to be stronger than ever!  Because I really do like my practice...or I should be honest and rephrase it by saying I really do like being good at my practice!  So I will be again.

I started a new 'heavy' swing/snatch cycle yesterday using my Sinister Swing protocol, and I'm excited to share it with all of you, no matter what level you are at!  I also have started to write programs for my 'Turn up the Volume' training and, fingers crossed, I get the details for The Swing Quest worked out asap.  I love creating training programs!  It's who I am and it's what I do.

My GS training is fun in a very challenging in a rewarding way!  Basically I suck!  And it's fine, it's more than fine, it's good!  Of course I suck!  I've only been doing it a few weeks!  I've always had a high respect for the sport and the athletes that train it, so how dare I think I could just walk into something without putting in my time and energy.  For me my experience with this sport is so much deeper than the physical movements and every workout reminds me of that fact.  It's bringing out the best and worst of me!  Ick...I really need to quit with the whining! It's not who I want to be!

I love my two new super big dressers I bought from Craigslist last week and I'm feeling hopeful about finally being organized and free from clutter.  Mostly mental clutter!  Funny how cleaning up one cleans up the other!  I will have a comfortable home again.  I've missed it, maybe I've never really had it, but I will have it.  I can feel what that looks like.  I can see myself there.

Everyday I wake up I get to start again. I decide who I am and who I want to be.

here is the original blogpost I wrote 5 years ago about 'Starting Again'.  (interesting that much of the post is about keeping a food journal...more about that subject too!)


Yogi Steve said...

Hi Tracy! Ever though of starting Ashtanga Yoga? It offers the same intensity as Bikrim yoga and is a more balanced series. It will also teach you to train solo if you can not make it to a scheduled class time as opposed to Bikrim where people typically always train in a studio. Good luck with whatever you do, I enjoy you blog very much :)

Tracy Reifkind said...

Yogi Steve,

I've thought about many different styles and have tried a handful. I don't have any problem training kettlebells on my own but have only been successful practicing yoga on my own a few times. I'll be writing more about my experience with Bikrams more candidly in the near future.

by the way...I had a great practice this afternoon! Oh, and why isn't my book listed as one of your 'favorites", huh? lol

Diana said...

You and I have something in common...besides our extreme love for the kettlebell of course!
We can both lay down our heavy burdens-we know we have nothing to prove!
Like my text's people that are thousands of miles away from us that can make us feel better than those right beside us!
Blessings friend!