Since I felt that this comment left for me on my last blogpost needed some explaining I decided to make it into a blogpost in itself!
Tara Robertson said...
Thank you Tracy! The timing is so perfect, I have a friend who has been struggling with her body weight. She says she wants to change, then turns around and makes food choices that are contrary to meeting those goals. This just makes her more sad and frustrated. I tried to tell her the choice is hard. Each moment at first will seem to be a choice as you break old patterns of relating to food. She keeps saying she wants the change but doesn't act on it. She is in a bit of a downward spiral and it's hard to stand-by and watch. Ultimately, I can only give her advice and offer tools, she must make it happen for herself. Any words of wisdom I could give her would be great!
February 2, 2009 8:51 AM
Tracy Reifkind said...
Tara,
My first response would be that my words of wisdom are in this blogpost....and the last two years I spent writing about this very subject on my other blog....if you want to take the time and read some of the archives.....you might not like what else I have to say, lol!
But you asked.....First of all, I believe that no one "struggles with bodyweight", what they "struggle with" (and I hate that word "struggle") is eating! If they didn't overeat, bodyweight would not be a "struggle". Food is not the enemy, eating is, and we are in control of that, until we find a way to manufacture foods so they jump into our mouths and force their way down our throats, lol! You call them "old patterns" I call them "habits"...same thing....anyway, just like people choose the foods they eat, or overeat, they also choose to feel sad and frustrated. Recognize it's a choice....which is another point of this blogpost, one I have written about many times before.
When I choose to overeat, and I know I'm not going to stop, I change my attitude about it and focus on enjoying every single bite, so I don't waste any of my time on bad feelings. I remind myself of how lucky I am to have such an abundance of food, how lucky I am to be eating these yummy cookies, or this yummy ice cream or even an extra serving of oatmeal...yum, yum!
But I think the real issue is, that for whatever reason, your "friend" likes to be a victim, like many others, looking for sympathy and someone to commiserate with. I have little time or patience for anyone that really doesn't want to help themselves, which is one of the reasons I rarely even take the time to write such a lengthy response to a comment like this....I'm too tired of being everyone freakin' cheerleader....especially if I'm not getting paid! lol
No one was my freakin' cheerleader, no one had to meet me at the walking trail to practically hold my freakin' hand for 2 + miles to get me to start exercising! No one is cheering my ass in a 30 degree garage gym, at 4:45am in the freakin' morning, snatching Max Vo2. No one is cheering me on as I wash all the pots and pans I use when I cook and prepare my own homemade foods, because I don't own a dishwasher!
There's only so much you can do, and then it's your responsibility to cut your loses (your time loses) and focus on the friends, family and clients you CAN help. some people like acting miserable, feeling miserable, so let them be alone in their misery, don't drag me down....Sorry if these weren't the wise words you needed, but I needed to say them.
February 2, 2009 2:09 PM
PS Mark just said to me, "You're on a roll, honey....a cranky roll!" lol
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4 comments:
Tracy, I have to comment on this because I totally agree with you in regards to people "wanting" someone to cheer them on and basically make all their "issues" go away.....I so see that strongly in the health care system...Oh my god, I can't breath, help me...WTF? I didn't shove all the Cheetos down your throat until you now weigh 500+lbs. My own inner self was my cheerleader. I had a STRONG inner cheerleader. Every time I looked at my son, a small cheer went on. Every time I went to the cemetery to visit my mom's grave (who died from obesity), my little cheer cranked up again. It is in OURSELVES and ONLY ourselves to make the right call and do what is right. Put down the damn fork, pick up the fucking bell (a few hundred times!) and get off the high horse of charity. Nothing good is easy and nothing good is free. Every penny I've ever spent on getting the help I need to get me on the right track and put my skills to the best use possible has been money BEYOND well spent. This too, for me, is a HUGE sore spot. I get so pissed off at these people at work who give money, daily, to large corporations (Jenny Craig, Nutrisystems, Lean Cuisine, etc..)and still bitch they can't lose weight. That's because they eat the leftovers from everyone's plate! I could go on and on and on as I know you could! It is different to lose 100+lbs than 20ish. I have no quarrel with those people, but it's just different. I had no hand to hold, no one pulled me a long on my bike, no one pulled me through the water, no one pushed me with the car to run...only me and "I" am my BEST cheerleader. I'm in the best place of my life right now, which I know is going to even get better because you're going to get this last 40lbs off of me or else! OK, I'll stop now....ughhhhh! People!
People have to be uncomfortable enough to change. If they are comfortable where they are (whether they admit it or not) they'll likely stay there until it becomes intolerable. Some people never get to that point.
Diana,
I don't know if I agree with making statements like
"Nothing good is easy, and nothing good is free"
but I know what you mean, and I'll tell you something that isn't easy or free, and the only way you get it is through hard work....and that is, being strong and fit. You can't buy performing and looking like an athlete.
But the good news is that it's available to anyone willing to do what it takes to get it, to whatever level they chose.
Beth,
Exactly, because people find comfort in commiseration! People find comfort in having others agree with them that life isn't fair! People find comfort by acting in a way that solicits reasurance and validity that their current state isn't their own fault....it must be something else...I know, it's food, it's foods' fault. lol
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