Monday, November 17, 2008

Wasting My Breath

I haven't written a blogpost for a week.....I always hated reading those words on someone's blog, I could never see the point of having a blog, especially a blog that you expected anyone to read regularly, and not post at least 3-4 times a week, lol....anyway.....that brings me to another quick I expect anyone to read anything I have to say? I go back and forth about that. On one hand I could give a crap, on the other, my ego wants to be...oh, I don't know...popular? Good Lord, how insecurities hang on....I mean I'm freakin' forty-five years old, why do I care?

Well, I'm caring less, and less, and less....that's why I haven't bothered to waste my breath....

I was having a conversation with a client last week, and I told her that if I were to count, on my hands, how many of my friends I've taught how to swing a KB in the past 2 1/2 years, and how many have kept swinging, I would only need one finger! And who knows how long that one friend will keep it up! I mean, I'm a living freakin' example of the kind of transformation very few people ever accomplish, ever, and all of my friends witnessed it first hand, in front of thier very freakin' eyes, and has it made a difference?

I mean, one of my friends told me the other day that she had gone to the gym.....gone to the gym? To do what? Lift weights, walk the treadmill? I mean, she has a really good friend (ME) that not only owns dozens of kettlebells, but has shown her how to use them, and what does she do? She goes to the freakin' gym. And of course when I question her about why she doesn't just swing a KB, she says to me, "Well I didn't want to bother you"....yay!.....she didn't want to waste any more of my time, because she know she's not going to do what it takes....well, I guess I should thank her then, for not making me waste anymore of my breath on her.

I am so sick of "pumping up" friends and clients to the miracle of training kettlebells that I hope no one ever swings them! I mean, get fat, get sick, bitch and moan about the not having any muscle tone. Bitch and moan about how you can't lose weight. Bitch and moan about how you don't have time. Bitch and moan about how you're a victim....blah, blah blah.....

God freakin' Lord! I've been training in my cold garage, by myself, frozen toes in the winter time, swinging that God damn bell, on my own, no one "pumping me up", no one holding my freakin' hand, because why? Because I have to do something! What's my choice? Do nothing? I did that! And what did it get me? 250lbs of bodyweight and a downward spiral of shoving more and more food in my face looking for the instant gratification that you think food gives you. Trying to make myself feel better, instead I was creating the exact opposite. But you know what? I never bitched about it! Never! I never whined about not being able to lose weight, I took responsibility for not being ready to lose weight.

I've whined more in these past few years about not being "perfect" than I ever did when I was fat. I've whined about not being 128.8lbs, exactly....but....never stopped trying to "figure it out". I never stopped making my own food, I never stopped going to yoga class, I never stopped swinging a KB, never.

I know what it's like to be compulsively driven to find some sort of comfort in eating. There's rarely a day that goes by that I don't feel a compulsion to overeat. There's rarely a day that goes by that I don't feel like skipping my workout (s). But what's the alternative?

get fat
get sick
feel like shit
be a victim
waste more of my life

I did that already, it didn't work out so well! I will never feel the humiliation that I put myself through by being that fat.

I may not be able, as I age, to keep this level of fitness, but if all I have to do is swing that stinkin' bell for 15 minutes, 3 times a week, to be in better shape than most women my age then so be it.

I will always be able to feed myself good foods, and I will always chose my own homemade fresh foods. What's the alternative? If you can''t feed yourself, then you can never bitch about your health or your weight. How can you rely on anyone else to care about your health more that you do? Well, that's what you do when you rely on someone else to provide readymade foods for you.

Enough already, I'm off to my first yoga class of the day......


Fafa said...

Great points. No truer words ever spoken. Whether or not you believe it.... you are an inspiration to many.

Jo said...

I read your story on your website in May '08, and haven't looked back since. Still swinging the bell and preparing my own food (I know its only been 6 months). You are not wasting your breath and know that you have made a difference in my life. Thanks, Tracy!

Anonymous said...

Last time I commented and you told me that if I exercise at all I was wasting my time if I wasn't swinging a kettlebell? I heard you. I've been a regular exerciser for 15 years and I'm still not satisfied with my shape. My weight is okay, but I want more definition, more tone, more muscle.

I started swinging kettlebells and I am in love. I cannot believe I've been avoiding kettlebells because I thought they'd be too boring. I was so wrong.

Thank you for the motivation.

La Saun R. Taylor said...

You're not wasting your breath!!!You got me swinging myself to death with that 12k bell. Your blog has been very helpful and encouraging to me. Plenty of people are swinging because of you, you just haven't met them all. I have lost more weight since we spoke on Friday, Yippeee!!! Thank you again.
La Saun Taylor, RKC

kettlebell g-ma said...

Tracy, Your point has gotten across to me. Since I started swinging a little over a year ago my body has transformed. I've always for the most part exercised but it was not until I read your blog and ordered a bell that I became aware of the changes in my body. I'm 46 and wished I would have found the bell 20 years ago. You are not wasting your breath. I don't depend on anyone to motivate me. Like you sometimes it's cold but, I do it because I like to feel good and I don't like the the alternative. So, yeah I hear you! I have many a friend who have ask for help and always quit. Not one left. I get tired of the same old I wish I could loose weight. I wish I looked more toned. I, blah, blah, blah! To heck with them. Good post and good food and always good info.
I'm listening!!!
kettlebell g-ma

Beth said...

Quick question for you. When you began with KB, what weight KB were you using?

sheryl said...

Your post made me think about people and motivational speakers.…People need motivation – or rather like to hear it. They go and see the speaker; they get all pumped up feeling like they can conquer the world, leave feeling euphoric for a day or so then fall back into their old comfortable patterns. I can’t tell you how may times I too have offered to WO with girlfriends who hate their bodies and want to change but they just never seem to get around to it or find an excuse to cancel a WO date that I have made. And I will even bring the Kbells to them! (But I love them despite) They just aren’t ready I guess. (Although I have taken it personally) You talk about people asking you the secret and I think that there IS and isn’t a secret… The logical side of course is easy but I imagine the emotional side battles that logical side quite often and I think in the case of most people it wins…. :-) (Not sure if that makes sense)
I think you have touched and inspired more than you know. I think that you are admired by all and I too miss the “daily wo”. It is a motivation for me – “if Tracy can drag her ass out to that cold garage today then so should I get off my ass and do the same!” Lol!
Thanks and I will keep on reading.

On a side note I just discovered an amazing warm chicken salad recipe! Click to my blog to see. Yummy!

Jennifer said...

Okay, maybe you don't feel like you make a dent in the world you can see, but please, you know you touch more people than you can shake a stick at. We appreciate what you do, and we do listen and take to heart. Thank you--for what it's worth. And honestly, I like that you really don't give a damn. Do it for yourself, for the catharsis, for your own record, and let our inspiration and education be a third or fourth sidenote.
I understand your heartache, BTW. As a physician, I can preach all I want about how to PREVENT disease, but the world wants a magic pill (nevermind the side effects).

leslie said...

I think more people than you can imagine noticed that you haven't posted in a week. (I'm one of them.) I just feel like with everything you give, how could I prod your or let you know that I missed learning from you? That wouldn't be right at all!

You may never know how many seeds you've planted. It's taken me a solid year to buy and use a pressure cooker. I don't know why it took so long. But without your encouragement, both on the blog and in person at the cooking class and the fabulous kettlebell seminar, it may never have happened.

My hope is that you will continue with this blog, as your passion comes through loud and clear here, and so many benefit from your writing. I know how much time it takes to consistently blog, and with all the pictures and recipes you include? Well, that takes time and energy and creativity, which you have in abundance. But if at any point this blog becomes inconsistent with what you see as your primary purpose, then it's time to move forward to something new. (But I really hope this blog remains consistent with your purpose, because I really do love what you write!)

Beth said...

me again.

Wasted breath, never.

Even a whisper is not wasted if someone heard it, deep inside.

Thank you for your honesty in sharing your trials and successes.

You are making a difference.

Jen said...

Tracy, I'm with everyone else.. YOU ROCK. Everything that you give is so much and you probably don't see all of the fruits of the gifts that you give to everyone..

You have given to me so generously and I am forever grateful to you as is my very happy (and well fed) husband... this week alone I made carnitas, chili and corn chowder in my PC! YUM! Because of your inspiration from your home visit which we truly enjoyed.

Please don't feel that your KB and Yoga instruction was a waste either. My RKC dreams are alive and well thanks to you. Just a bit of a shoulder injury sidetracking me...will be resolved soon!

Sending you big hugs and hope to see you soon. You do inspire by doing your Tracy thing!

xoxo Jen

Diana said...

I first picked up a kb in June of 2007. I knew the minute I slipped my hand through it's handle, I would become good friends with this crazy looking object. I haven't put it down since. BONUS: Where I live, I get to play with mine in the snow! I can relate to your frozen toes-big time! Gym?? Who the hell needs a gym, when you've got grass to be cut and a kb? Perfect combo for a great workout! LOL!
Enjoy the great day!

leslie said...

Final thought -- sometimes I don't comment because it feels like I say the exact same thing every time, which is some version of "Amazing!" or "Wonderful!" or "I can't wait to try this!".

Renee Yorkievitz, RKC said...

Tracy, Tracy, Tracy,

Oh how I can feel your pain & frustration first hand. For 3 years, 2 of my best friends have bitched about needing to lose weight. Both are "gym rats" & both have had personal trainers (yes a couple EACH) for almost 2 years. Unfortunately look almost identical to how they did 2 years ago. They continue to bitch about their bodies.

In the meantime I began training w/ KB's. More times than I can count, each have said how great/amazing/wonderful I look. Numerous times I have tried to get them into KB's...each has worked out with me twice. I ask them to come to the KB classes I teach, come to the KB gym I go to, come to the Cleveland KB Club mtg with me. There is always an excuse...a sinus H/A, I have to run the kids around, I have to make dinner, I have to go to grocery shopping, they overslept, they were out late, they had a hangover! GEEZ!

And yet they tell me over & over how I am such an inspiration to them. WHAT? If that were true their asses would be begging me for a kb! Instead they "work-out" in the "cardio-theatre" while watching the latest movie at a big box gym! Hamsters...I still love them though!

Ditto for me that you were (are still) my inspiration to begin kb's. I was on the DD forum researching kb's initially. There was a post that struck me "This woman swings KB for 1000 reps...Wow!" I checked out your video and thought..."Holy crap, I need to learn this! The rest is history!

You are a wealth of knowledge & know how. But people have to be at the point where they want it, are open to it & it is the right time for them. They need to realize the right time is now!

Love ya girl! :)