Thursday, August 9, 2012

Times Change

This past weekend was, well, "interesting".  Truly, I did not want to leave my last post of "Biggest Person" hovering over the weekend without my computer to follow up on my thoughts with another blog post.  When I write about "old" thought patterns and sometimes feeling "less than", or "lack of", or invalidation, I'm not wanting it to come across, or sound, dramatic because I don't feel dramatic about it.  I really don't have that much charge about old feelings, instead I can reflect upon them, look at them, and move on.

My favorite philosophy right now is reminding myself when "feelings are not facts".  When I "feel" like the biggest person in the room, it's just a feeling, not a fact.  And if it is truly a "fact" I know it has nothing to do with my value as a human being.  But ultimately I look forward to the day that I don't notice my size, or anybody else's size either. (that could be today!)

I share my old thought patterns because I used to be stuck in them, and I used them as an excuse to validate the choices I made to prove I was right.  I was a victim of my size giving into thinking it was my destiny.  I thought there was nothing I could do to change it, much less change it entirely, and permanently.

I once heard this story about two brothers.  One brother was "stronger", one brother was "smarter".

"Some men where born to move pianos, and some men where born to play them."

Wow.  This analogy was used by the mother of the two boys, one obviously strong, muscular and tough, the other, thin, frail, and academic.....I heard the story from the "strong" brother, but I wonder if the "smart" brother would have felt the same sense of invalidation for not being strong as the strong brother felt for not being respected as smart?

I get tired of hearing that we can't have it all.  What does that mean?  Did the brother that physically moved pianos not have to be "smart enough" to figure out how to literally move that piano and fit it into his truck?  Did the brother that played the piano not need to have the strength and stamina to perform for 2-3 hours, in concert, under hot lights and with the pressure of delivering perfectly?

I may experience some old feelings, but reacting, or how I react to those feelings are my choice, as I become aware of how those thoughts and reactions limit me.  I can chose to rise above and see myself separate from the comparisons I put on myself.  No one else is thinking about me!  Everybody is thinking about themselves!  And so it should be!

Do not limit yourself to old feelings.  Choose new feelings!  You don't have to feel like the biggest, smallest, dumbest, weakest, ugliest, shortest, most poor, least lucky, etc....  Imagine the opposite feelings!  Yes!  That's what I'm going to do! Imagine the best of times!

Personally I refuse to accept that I can't have it all.  My definition of "all" may not be your definition, and it doesn't matter.  I don't mind some of those old feelings, I recognize them for what they are.  Those old feelings are just a way for me to gauge how lucky I know I am!  No drama, just reflection.

Off topic....I was in the Apple store this morning getting some help with my iPad that wouldn't hold a charge.  Apple ended up exchanging the computer for me and apologizing for making me wait.....what?  Making me wait to exchange a computer, lol!  I'm so freakin' lucky to have such a high quality problem of exchanging a computer that most of the country can't afford to own, am I going to complain about waiting 10 minutes?  I could have felt inconvenienced and impatient, instead I felt lucky.

Feelings. not facts.  Change how you feel.  Feel lucky, feel valid, feel smart, feel strong.  It's your life, no one else is keeping track.  Times change, feelings change, and so can you.

Picture above....I may be or feel "bigger" than some of the other Bikram practitioners I respect, but what does that mean? It's just me, nobody else.  


Diana said...

Every event, good and bad, from our past is just a stepping stone to what we are now.
Every day is a gift and a blessing and I recognize that now more than ever...

~Dawn said...

I so needed to read this today.
I've been feeling not "myself" for awhile, and decided earlier today that I'm going home to swing some KB's tonight. I haven't in awhile, and know it's what I need to get back on track...physically & mentally.