Sunday, September 28, 2008

Binge Eating, Compulsive Overeating, "clean", and "not so clean"

For the most part I think I eat "cleaner" than anyone I know (that might not be saying much!), but when it comes to my binge eating, and compulsive overeating I throw any care about "cleanliness" out the freakin' window!

That's not completely true, but if I eat processed foods, it's almost always sweets. I never, ever eat fast foods. Fast foods do not appeal to me in any way, anymore, ever....not even pizza. A pizza in a good resturant is a different story, but from any of the chain pizza resturants, no. If given the option of eating a meal out, I find myself comparing what I already have at home, and I always chose to go home and eat. What could I possibly order that I can't make myself? Chicken? Steak? Lamb? Pasta? I mean what? Nothing I could order would be the natural flavor and quality of the foods I have at home.....but sweets......

I don't bake, not because I don't know how, but because there's no way I need to have 4-6 dozen cookies, or a whole cake in my house! Nor do I need white flour, for any reason (I haven't bought white flour in years), nor do I need white sugar in any amount larger than a small box, even that I haven't bought in years. Home baked goodies are of much higher quality than store bought.....a good bakery that uses real butter and higher quality ingreients is as good of a choice too, but when my compulsive sweet tooth is looking for a "fix", most times the closest, fastest option is the nearest "Dollar Store", grocery or mini market! Talk about junk food!

Ironically, hours after writing my blog post about eating clean I stopped to get gas and my eyes caught the Chick-O-Stick candies and that was it.......

I had been eating super clean all week after my return from the weekend in St. Paul, (at the Sept. Cert), and I knew I was jonesin' for some serious sugar, the day before while at Longs I cruised the candy isle looking for an Abba Zabba, but managing to get out of the store before an all out candy binge, but this day it was not to be! I grabbed 4 Chick-O-Sticks, one Abba Zabba, and a king size package of Peanut M&M's (stinkin' RKC Meet and Greet, lol, you have to go to one to know what I mean). After eating 2 of the Chick-O-Sticks I managed to talk a little bit of sense into myself by reasoning, if I'm going to binge, I might as well stop off at a good bakery and get some better quality sweets.....which I did.....blah, blah, blah (I ended up throwing most of the candy out, I still have a Chick-O-Stick on my kitchen counter because I wanted to study the ingredient list....yeah right, lol)

Anyway, that was around 8:30am! I crashed and burned, going into a sugar coma around 12noon for about an hour. When I got up (I skipped yoga that morning, big mistake), I made myself a yummy hamburger with 2.5oz grass fed beef, and a big pile of qunioa salad in between 2 slices of sprouted wheat bread (400 cal.), boy did that feel good! Later for dinner I had a small bowl of tomato soup with 3oz poached halibut (recipe coming soon!), at that point I could've stopped eating, but......

My all or nothing mentality got the better of me. I figured I had already "blown it" so I decided to consider it my cheat day (all day, lol) and treat myself to some "clean" junk food. this is what I consider cleaner junk food.....

Good quality ice cream (real sugar), mixed with an equal amounts of good quality yogurt. I added brown rice and a little bit of honey for my version of rice pudding. I decided against adding peanut butter, only because of my earlier candy and bakery binge. Whole grain bread (TJ's) with cranberries and hazelnuts, toasted with real butter and jam....OK the jam was not homemade, so I get strikes for that....but I would've used homemade if I had it! I also had some Grape Nut type cereal with milk, because I rarely eat dry cereals, I consider them dessert!

So there you have it! Was my "clean" binge all that clean? No, but light years better than Chick-O-Sticks and Abba Zabbas. loaded with high fructose corn syrup, fake oils, hydrogenated, cottonseed, etc. My clean binge had processed sugar (white), but no fake fats, and I could always clean it up more. I could've had a soup and salad binge, lol! In fact many times when I feel like overeating I chose to start with good foods, giving myself the option of eating whatever I want, junk or no junk, only after a healthy meal....many times I don't want to eat junk afterwards. The more clean foods I eat, and the longer I focus on the quality of the foods I eat, instead of the amount that I eat the better and better the choices I make. I never used to have a clean binge, now I prefer eating cleaner foods, binge or no binge.

Life is good. Having the freedom and ability for make my own choices is good. Food is good. I am good.


Diana said...

This was really funny and it hit home big time because just last night I had eaten a really nice dinner. Great chicken on the grill with some nice veggies on the side-the works! Very clean and very tasty. I had to run to the store and get a few things. Well, my stomach was growling for something sweet BIG TIME! Totally knowing it was the wrong thing to do, I picked up a container of mini-chocolate doughnuts! WTF???
Anyways, on the way home in the car, I ate 14 of them. They went down like water, I don't even think I chewed! What's a girl to do? It's done-just have to dust off the chocolate and move on! Glad I'm not the only one who needs her sweets! Life is still good! :-)

leslie said...

You ARE good for so many reasons, Tracy. I appreciate your willingness to share all of this, and I agree that a "clean" binge is so much better. Not to mention that high quality treats are so much more satisfying than the cheaper chemical-laden stuff that's out there.

Keep talking the talk -- it's just what this girl needs to hear!

Tracy Reifkind said...


Sugar is like a drug to me, I can actually feel it enter my blood system! Until I don't need or like that "rush" it's just something I manage, and it's fine!

Tracy Reifkind said...


Ultimately, getting rid of, or not needing to, feed that emotional hunger is where I would like to be, and I am there most of the time. As I mentioned to Diana, sugar is my drug of choice, and I feel as if this type of binge eating is nothing more than using a drug to get a desired frame of mind.

Some drink wine (or more!), some smoke pot, some use prescription drugs, or anti-anxiety/anti-depressants, over-exercising is also a way to change your frame of mind, I eat sugar.

I feel more guilty about eating sugar than overeating in general. Why have we come to the point of feeling guilty about sugar? Oooh, sugar is bad..... I'm getting sick of the judgement, and the perssure to be perfect. (Of course, I am my worst emeny in that respect)