Sunday, June 8, 2008

A Bigger Piece of Pie

I think and talk about food and eating alot. I think and talk about food and eating so much that I started a second blog just to think and talk about it more! I have alot of thoughts about why I think and talk about food and eating so much, mostly because I think I want to get to a place in my life when I don't think and talk about it as much! What's up with that, lol? I don't feel bad that I think and talk about it as much as I do, it's just that I don't think I need to. There are so many other parts of life that need and deserve attention.

So, lately I've been visualizing my thinking like that of a 'pie chart', what size is the slice of pie that represents food and eating? Now, food and eating are technically two different subjects, but I'll get to that later.... But if I grouped them together, I would say that half of my 'thinking pie' is taken up with my thoughts on these two subjects. So what does the rest of my pie represent? Let's see.....

Relationships.....the obvious, wife/mother, sister, daughter, friends, clients, coworkers, pets, etc. Responsibilities, like the maintenance of my house, cars, belongings, etc. Hobbies.....what I do for fun, (this is may be difficult because I consider cooking my main hobby). Job/Money, currently I lead the life of "the rich and retired", according to Mark (how lucky am I?), so this piece of pie is the smallest. Oh yes, and training....hmnnn....this might have to fall in the same category as food because it's about my health.

Since I don't need to focus on a job, or money, then I would have to say that my relationships and my responsibilities need more attention. So as I find myself beginning to obsess my thoughts around food and eating, I remind myself that I have other things to think about, and more importantly, other things to do. To do! Action. I used to be really good at writing a 'to do' list everyday, writing down, in order of priority, all of the things that needed to get done, and then getting them done! I've had the luxury of being way too self-centered, it's time to stop giving myself such a big piece of pie! And that includes my hobby. Lord! I've been greedy with this slice of my pie!

So, how am I going to separate the food, eating, cooking, and training? First, the whole slice has got to be cut in half, so that means about 25% of my 'thinking pie' can represent these subjects. And really, the only part of this piece that gives me grief, because of it's size, is the 'eating' part, so, food, cooking, and training can also be on my 'action list' (maybe I need a slightly bigger slice, lol!)

Anyway, the point is to stop thinking about eating and start doing the things that need to get done. I have a whole life to live, and since I only need to eat 3 times a day, I should only think about it 3 times a day. The rest of my life needs doing.....I better get started.....

Life is good, every part of it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Tracy,

You begin now, empty mind, open wide.
Just let go the musts, the shoulds, the needs, and ride the wonder wave of your possibilities.
Why not "insteads"? Why not "why nots"?
You can be whatever you want, you can be a health gourmet caterer, you can put "food thinking" to a creative use. It's your passion.
You don't have to push anything out to let everything in. It's about one thing at a time and about the fear of stonewalling yourself behind layers of fat again. It WON'T HAPPEN. Too much love, too much knowledge has been revealed to you through years of experience.
Next step is using it right, joyfully, lovingly.
Next step is declaring real, unconditional deservingness for all that goodness you already recognize and aknowledge intellectually.

We sabotage ourselves by sabotaging our levels of energy.
We sabotage ourselves to remain safe, to keep things we think are going to fade away if we release control. We sabotage ourselves because it's so hard and so scary to accept love. Food is much easier to handle, it gives us the illusion of universal fix, universal comfort. It resembles love, but it's only food. An empty stomach feels like abandon.
You deserve all goodness, all love, there's no painful emptiness round the corner. You have been so brave so far, you performed a full striptease in public.
Past is always a haunted house, but no ghost, no food has any other power than the one you give to it.
Food is good, but only when we are hungry.
Food is good, but only if we don't trade it for love.
Food is good as a form of art.
Food is good if you think about it kindly, sweetly, skinned off every single emotional meaning you give to it.

All-Nothing works like this: All sends you back to nothing, nothing creates the ambition of all and vice versa. The endless cycle burns our whole lives out.

Just do the kinder thing, the most loving thing here, now. Listen to your intuition. Trust the unfolding.
Everything will fall into place.

I almost died trying to prove myself deserving. I tried to kill myself, I gave up eating, I gorged down everything like a hungry beast. I tried not to think, then my thinking turned wild and unbelievably destructive and self-destructive.
Suddenly I realized it was all happening for me, through me, for universal beauty. I've never felt the hunger again, nor the obsession, the loneliness, the shame, the drive to make it even harder.

It just happens. Dropping the struggle, giving up the tyrannical voice in our minds changes everything.

You are such a MIRACLE, Tracy.
Just stop a moment and see yourself through Mark's eyes.

The world can turn itself upside down and that won't change.

It's a tiny, yet revolutionary choice: I deserve it, and I can have it later, and I can take care of myself a trillion other ways now.
And if I eat a lot, or if I want to eat it all, it's ok here, now. The best thing for me and everyone so let's see how the adventure unfolds.

You are enough and a miracle.
Yes. And you are perfect.