Saturday, November 16, 2013

This is my life, I'm the boss.

"Making weight" for my August competition took me back to food journaling.  You know, when you write down everything you eat, which also means you have to measure your portions by using spoons/cups/scale. I did not food journal in the weeks/months leading up to my April competition....any surprise I did NOT make weight?

I remember a blog post I wrote YEARS ago (I should try and find it) about how I regularly kept a journal, even after the initial 120lb weightloss.  Food journaling was a habit I developed and didn't mind one bit.  I never saw it as a crutch, or a punishment, or really anything negative. In fact I was proud that I stayed so informed about what I was putting in my body on a regular basis, and it reminded me of the choices I needed to make to create the body weight and body composition I wanted. It was a game to me, and it was a joy!  Keeping track of calories was fun and educational.  But one of the comments I received on that particular blog post was from a male reader expressing sadness for me.  Somehow he interpreted my habit of journaling my food/eating/calories as, kind of, a prison.  Whoa.....!

Maybe he was transposing his feelings onto me?  Would it feel like a prison to him if he "had" to write down everything he ate?  I'm guessing he never had the experience of finding himself extremely over weight.

I often compare food journaling to keeping the balance in your checking account.  Every person that lives within their means (and most that thrive financially) keeps a balanced checkbook.  Would this same person feel sorry for those people?  Would this same person feel as if people that balanced their checking account lived in some kind of prison?  What is the difference?

Living in denial, or "wishful thinking" is not taking responsibility.  Keeping a food journal, or balancing your checkbook is about taking responsibility and not playing victim.  I never want to play victim.  Even when I was fat I never blamed anybody or anything else on my condition.  It was me doing the damage.  People that blame credit card companies or the banks for their financial situation are the same kind of people that blame the food industry and/or foods in general for their overweightness.

I never complained about being fat, it was what it was.  I thought there was nothing I could do about it and I accepted what I thought was my genetic predisposition.  When I made up my mind to lose some weight I took responsibility, I journaled, I played the game of calories in, calories out and started to get ahead, to win!  I started swinging a kettlebell and watch my body shape change in a way I only dreamed of before.  The two methods of transformation collided and nothing could stop me.

At the end of each day it is me who is in charge.  I experienced changing and creating amazing things.  I lived 41 years of wishful thinking that didn't exactly produce what truly wanted, or what I saw myself as being capable of.  Then, I spent a handful of years practicing new habits that did create exactly what and how I saw the life I wanted.  Where am I now?

Good question.

I'm 50 years old.  Half way through my life.  I expect to know a few things by now and to be honest I'm shocked at how immature I can think sometimes!  I'm experiencing symptoms of menopause and I get pissed off.  Hot flashes are stupid.  Feeling like I'm still hungry after a full meal is stupid.  I can stay pissed off and blame all kinds of things, but I won't, I can't.

This post was about keeping track, staying aware, creating your own experience.  I mean....creating MY own experience.  It's my life.  I'm the boss.

8 comments:

ADSMinnesota said...

Yes m'am!! Great post, you are THE boss. :) I just did your on the minute workout yesterday for the first time and I loved it. Thank you for sharing on this blog. Keep up the great work Boss Lady!

Diana said...

I truly hope that the emotional part of your menopause rollercoaster is nothing like how mine was.
Spending the last 25 yrs working health care, sometimes we aren't the boss all of the time.

Lisa Janssen said...

Awesome post! It was just what I needed. Lost 25 pounds this summer putting into practice the things you talk about on your blog. But I have quit 'balancing my checkbook' and have gained a bit back. Thanks for the motivation to get back on track!! And thanks for all the work you put into your blog :)
Lisa

Tracy Mangold said...

I think that has been and is one of the cores of my problem losing weight. I need to change this and I need to be CONSISTENT with journaling what I eat. I need to be CONSISTENT with my training and I have not been. I know exactly what my problem is and I admit that it has to be pure laziness on my part. I keep standing in my own way and allowing everything else to take precedence over my own well-being. The thing is that I know this. And yet I keep falling into my old ways of inconsistency and laziness and *gulp excuses. It's frustrating. And I know I need to do something about it. I'm rereading "The Swing" and starting fresh with my kettlebell training and food prep/eating AND food journaling.

Tracy Reifkind said...

Lisa,

Thank you for your comment.

I was in the habit of journaling for so long I really don't know why I fell out of it. Oh yes, now I remember....because I started gaining weight and I didn't want to see it in black and white! lol

We can run, but we can't hide!

All the best :)

Tracy Reifkind said...

ADSM,

I do that workout with some one every week, multiple times. It never gets old and it's always relevant. I can have new students train alongside experienced students, it doesn't matter because it comes down to can the size of the bell (or doubles!).

Thanks for the comment!

Tracy Reifkind said...

Diana,

If my emotions start to feel overwhelming most of the time I can see it for what it is quickly. Sometime it takes longer, maybe, but at the end of the day I've got things pretty darn good.

Whoever the boss is at any given moment, me, Mark, God, my cats, I trust I'm doing what needs to be done.

Tracy Reifkind said...

Tracy,

Did you see my first 10 x 10 workout I posted on FB? The pep talk, or spanking? I think in your case it would be a little of both! (I just haven't found the energy or motivation to blog about it yet).

Do what you know you need to do to feel the way you want to feel. There is a shortcut. It's called, "START NOW"!