Thursday, November 19, 2009
Sick about Myself
I can't believe how much time I wasted being sick about myself.
Good freakin' Lord.....this last year has been.....perplexing, is the only word that really fits. Here's the bottom line. I'm a person that has experienced much of my life being fat....not "overweight"...I'm not going to "sugar coat" it. I mean, let's be honest, in these current times, according to the standards of "normal" I have had a bodyweight that way exceeded "normal". I don't know why, nor do I care, the only thing I care about is loving and respecting, even freakin' adoring, who I am, and that includes, or doesn't include what I weigh.
I started blogging about my "weight loss journey" at a time....lucky for me.....when it was easy.....
It was easy to feel good about myself.....can you imagine? Feeling easy about yourself? What a freakin' joy! Good Lord. What's wrong with us? That we can't feel "easy"........
I spent the most of last year absoulutely sick about myself. Sick about myself because I didn't weigh 129lbs (or less!). Hiding out, afraid everyone would notice I gained 5 lbs from the previous year. Ohhhhh.....five whole pounds......
I was sick about myself. Looking at pictures and comparing me to me. Ashamed, again.....
Fuck. (there I said it)
Instead of being stressed out and angry about it, all I can do is feel better.....and I do.
I train hard.
I eat well, really well.
I love my life, I love my husband, I love my kids and beautiful granddaughter....how lucky am I?
I love training with kettlebells and I'm happy to teach, and coach others to feel the same way. I love walking, spinning, and I love Bikram's yoga.
I love that my car looks as if a vagabond drives it...lives in it.....with extra workout clothes always in "stock", spinning shoes, extra kettlebells, and at least 3 yoga mats drying out for the next class.
I love the way my jeans fit me.....and it doesn't matter what size they are.
I love using the Gravitron at the Club.
I love shopping for my workout clothes (at Lululemon), and I love, love, love the fact that I can afford anything I want.
I love my friends....especially Fawn, (and Aaron), and I wish I could visit more often with my brilliant husband, Mark ( he"s the one they like better anyway, lol....but I don't care, lol)
I love that as I write this blogpost Mark is listening to "Danny's Song" on his computer.....how lovely is that?
I have such an incredible life with people that inspire me, and who I, in return, inspire. There is nothing I can't have, that I know.
I'll keep showing up, I'll keep showing up...... As Mark always says, "If I can't outlift them, then I'll outlast them!" And that's no freakin' joke!
(this is a picture of me, last year 10 lbs lighter than I am right now....and I was "sick about myself"....who cares. Good Lord.....be easy with yourself.....)