Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Who really wants you to lose weight?

This is part of an email from a client/friend of mine and I thought I would share it because it reminded me of a blogpost I started to write months ago, so it inspired me to finish.....

"I am often amazed at the things people say. Earlier today while I was preparing my lunch; one of my co-workers came up to me (male) commenting, "That looks like a lot of work." My response, "Well, I dedicate Sunday's to preping and cooking my food. I actually enjoy it. And I go to farmer's market on Sunday morning." So, then he proceeds to "explain" to me that that will all end when I meet a man. That he is not going to want me to spend my Sunday's doing that kind of stuff. WOW!!!!! That is like telling me that I am wasting my time taking care of myself and that I will gain the weight back, the day I am in a relationship. WTF!!! I know you warned me about people making negative comments throughout my journey, but WOW!!! It was not just what he said, but also the way he said it."

I believe that no one but your immediate family wants or cares if you lose weight. In fact I'll be bold enough to say that I think everyone, but your immediate family, wants you to stay fat! I think it's true. Of course if you've hired a personal trainer, then their success depends on your success, but they're getting paid!

Your immediate family.....with, in some cases, the exception of your spouse! If your spouse is fat and wants to stay that way, then you're not going to get alot of support, because they'll lose their "eating partner! If your spouse is a "saboteur", because of their own insecruities, maybe they're afraid you'll do better and leave the relationship, or get too much attention, etc., they will not support your wanting to lose weight. But most of the time, your spouse does want you to look and feel your best, so I think the other is the exception, not the rule!

Your kids.....of course your kids want you to be skinny because at a certain age they don't want you to embarrass them in front of their friends. And your parents.....they will love you regardless of what you look like, but they don't want to outlive you! Some parents see their children as reflections of themselves and they may want you to "represent" success to prove that they were good parents, so how you look to the "outside" may be of some importance to them.....again, in this case, the exception, not the rule.

But let's get back to everyone else......non immediate family members,(cousins, aunts/uncles), friends, and coworkers. They don't want you to lose weight because, they don't want you to be skinnier than them.

1) If they're fatter than you, they'll feel bad about themselves. And if they can't find the motivation to change it for themselves they may say the words in support of you, but they'll also be the first ones to try and sabotage you by saying things like, "Oh come on, go to lunch with us", or "Just have one bite, one bite never hurt anyone!", or "I was at Starbucks and I picked up this Mocha for you because I know it's your favorite." (extra large, super vente, of course). Misery loves company.

2) If they're skinnier than you, they want to stay that way.....skinnier than you!! Their own insecruities always want to be "one up on you". The don't want more competition for attention, they want it all.

Both groups of people will be the ones talking behind your back taking bets on how fast you'll put the weight back on. They might even say something stupid like...."Now, you don't want to lose too much weight.".....Oh yes, that would be a crime now, wouldn't it? God forbid we lose too much weight! What the hell are people thinking? And what's anyone's definition of too much weight? I think it's a bodyweight that is lower than theirs, lol!

How many times have you heard people say about someone they know who has lost weight, "They're not the same anymore, they act different now!" Yeah, more confident maybe? Healthier? More energetic? How can you not be different?

You know what else bugs me? when people say, "You know, you have to lose weight for yourself, not anyone else" What the hell does that mean? Of course we lose weight for ourselves, good freakin' Lord, who did we get fat for? Who did we eat that bag of cookies for, that serving of nachos with extra cheese and sour cream....someone else? What does this mean????? As if losing weight was suddenly going to be easy because they've just given us the answer....of course....just lose weight for ourselves.....brilliant! I can do it.......why didn't I think of that...?????

If someone has never done what you want/need to do, then do not listen to their stupid advice.


Diana said...

"If someone has never done what you want/need to do, then do not listen to their stupid advice"......classic!

Nice posting Tracy-made me think, dammit, like I don't have enough to think about, now I have to look at my husband and son and analyze their every move! LOL!

Anonymous said...

Well said Tracy! I think that everybody who is on a path to better health have to deal with these types of obstacles, often! I know I do.... at least my dear husband and sons stopped bringing home several 2 liter bottles of soda at a time because they were'on sale' and ice cream, and chips, the list was endless. Now they eat what I stock in the house or grow in my garden.
BTW- love your blog!

La Saun R. Taylor said...

You are on the money with this one!

Crystal Schulz said...

Hi Tracy,

Mine was my mother telling me, "you look too muscular" two weeks before my wedding! Isn't it a girls dream not to have flabby arms?
Oh and btw, I love your recipes and I prepare chicken curry soup like it's going out of style. Actually, soup is so portable and easy to make that I stock my freezer as well. Thank you for posting your journey.

Keep it coming!

Tracy Reifkind said...


Sorry, I didn't mean to make you paranoid, lol! But seriously.....we have to look at ourselves also.....I find myself giving my son a candybar I bought but changed my mind about eating.....he doesn't need it! And although Mark can eat whatever he wants, I find myself feeding him, maybe, not so nutritious foods that I want to eat but can't! Again, he doesn't need that crap either!

I'm guilty too :(

Tracy Reifkind said...


I had a woman in yoga tell me that when her friends (and I use that word loosely), noticed she was losing weight they said to her, "Just don't get skinnier than me!" and were serious when they said it!


Soda was never "my thing", I'd rather eat my calories than drink them, lol!

Tracy Reifkind said...

La Saun,

I truly want anyone and everyone that is overweight to realize a more healthy life, and I think when I talk with people it comes across loud and clear with the excitement and passion I have for healthy eating, hard training, and good thoughts.

Tracy Reifkind said...


I've managed to clear out at least 50% of my freezer soups! It's kind of like passing up wearing your favorite clothes worried that a better occasion will come along and they'll be in the "dirty laundry".....What was I waiting for? There will always be more food to cook and freeze!