Monday, December 22, 2008

Why can't I simply go to the grocery store?

I recently have been going through a period of not being able to go to the grocery store without being "triggered" by the overabundance of, what I would consider, junky foods. I mean, I like junky foods as much as anybody else, or should I say, I like the idea of junky foods.....candy, chips, crackers/cookies, etc....I don't really like them more than I like my own homemade foods, or I would chose them more often than I do, I guess what I think I like about junk foods is the "instant gratification". I love instant gratification, but as I mature, I know that the instant "feel good high" that I get from these foods does not last for long, most times it's over within minutes, and the long lasting effects can leave me, at the very least, regretful (but more aware), and at the most, demotivated, disgusted and devastated. Wow, three D's.....demotivated, disgusted, and devastated....that's big.

But let me touch on the point of "maturing" real quick.... We all know how our adult behaviors are rooted in our childhood experiences, and it's becoming clear to me, or more clear to me that I am, in fact, a big girl, and I have to see things in the logical, rather than emotional. OK, back to the grocery store thing.....

The good thing about not feeling as if I can handle the deluge of junk foods at the the grocery store is that I have become much more aware of what I really need, in terms of which foods I need to stock in my pantry and fridge, and it's not much. I can probably live the next few weeks if not a month without going to the grocery store, and my pantry only consists of, about, three shelves! (fresh veggies would be the acception, of course, but I could live, and eat them minimally if I had to) I have too much food, and I've been saying that for quite a while now. We have too much food. Our bodies don't need that much food. We have too much choice. Our bodies don't need all of this choice. We have too much food and we have too much choice being thrown at us....thrown at us! And instead of falling victim, I'm getting mad!

If you are a person that thinks you are even a few pounds overweight, you are no different than anyone with 100 pounds (or more) of extra bodyweight. How do you think you got that way? You got that way by eating more calories than your body pound or 100 pounds is simply a matter of calories in, calories out. If you are one of the very few people that has been able to keep a healthy, consistent, bodyweight, then you are lucky, or you work like hell to keep it that way! (The "luck" part is mostly genetic, and/or your "issues" are something other than eating, and you don't use food to deal with them)

Working like hell is what we have to do to stay away from and navigate through this sabotage of the food industry in this country. As I often say...if you don't think, for one minute, that the food industry in this country is mostly concerned with making a profit, over making you a healthier person, then you are wrong! The food industry is in the business of making money, and to do that, it has to sell more, and more, and more food to you.....more food than our bodies need. And the more addictive ingredients they put in their foods.....sugars, corn syrup, fake fats, salt, etc.....and the cheaper and more convenient they make these foods, the more you want, and the more you buy....even if you don't need it (and you don't need it!).

But my some of my resentment comes from feeling as if life is unfair....and that is what is rooted in my emotional childhood experience. Why can't I have what other people have? What I really mean is......why couldn't I have everything my sisters had, why did they get more? (In their defense, they didn't really.....but that's what I thought as a child) It's not fair that eveyone else gets all this "stuff" and I don't.....why can't I eat all the crap that other people eat? Why can't I just buy and eat all this crap, unconscious, or in denial of what it does to my body and my health? Oh yes, I did that, lol, and what did it get me? A bodyweight of 250lbs.... And 200+ lbs is not that uncommon these days.

When I start throwing the pity party of, "It's so unfair, I should be able to eat whatever I want, like other people", Mark is quick to remind me to look around at "other people". This country is getting fatter and fatter kidding, no joke, everyday. And even grocery stores like Whole Foods have isles and isles of quick, high calorie foods tempting us to forget what our bodies really need, and counting on us to feed our emotional hungers instead.

So when am I going to be able to simply go to the grocery store without being "triggered" to want to buy, and eat everything in sight? I don't know, and I can't worry about that, but until that time comes, I'll shop when I'm not hungry, and shop only when I truly need to.....we all do the best we can....


Jennifer said...

You are correct (but, of course, you knew that). We are BOMBARDED with overstimulation in most aspects of our lives. How many people do you know who can be content lying in a hammock watching the day go by? Ok, set aside for a moment the idea that there are few people who would actually be able to do that from a time availability standpoint. I think that you are right in saying that the overabundance of choices, most of them poor choices is most of our problem as a society. I think when one adds to that the fact that it is not only more simple to eat poorly, but also must more economical (at least from an immediate standpoint when one ignores the longterm health ramifications) to eat poorly. I still believe, though, that if the world were not spinning so wildly that none of was able to get in touch with any aspect of ourselves anymore, we might be able to sit back and make better choices. Just a thought.

Diana said...

Going to the grocery stores these days does suck. I see very overweight people (what, here in WI, can't be true! LOL) grabbing at food that's very cheap and on sale. You know, the good sales one, get one free. Or the "two for..." sale, that's another good one. I get sick almost every time I go, but I have to go-we are in the dead of winter and almost completely snowed in-not much room left to throw this white shit anymore (that's a whole other story!!) and we have to shop for some kind of shit produce that's shipped in from timbuktu! It's disgusting, lacking in any kind of luster what so ever but we buy it because at least it's green! I'm thankful that I'm a huge carnivore and eat lots of meat, that I know I can get good stuff from all the farmers and butchers here.
Tracy, as far as wishing you could have what others had/have....remember how we wish we could swing like you! I'm working hard on the kb's-damn they work your body like nothing, I just can't say that enough! I'm tired these days from shoveling-the shoulders, however, from all the shoveling, swimming and KB's are looking, if I say so myself...HOT!!! I have definition on my forearms!!! What other form of exercise can do that? Nothing!
In ending this book, it sounds to me like you have everything you need. But I know to have what we "want" is a whole different topic! Your life sounds good though, happy, healthy and motivated. Keep swinging and snatching over the holidays-remember....we hard asses NEVER miss a workout!!! Merry Christmas! Need some snow for a white christmas???

Tracy Reifkind said...

"if the world were not spinning so wildly that none of was able to get in touch with any aspect of ourselves anymore, we might be able to sit back and make better choices"

Hmmnn....I don't think the world is spinning, I know mine's not, but I do get your point that alot of people chose to schedule their lives to the hilt, making it easy to use the excuse "I don't have time"

The irony is that the better choices to be made are how to spend your time, not what to eat or not eat. Spending time feeding our bodies, and our families, is, at least it should be, at the top of the list. And shopping, cooking and preparing our own foods can be faster than driving to, waiting, and driving home from a takeout.

For instance, it kills me everytime I walk by the Weinersnitzel (hot dog fast food) by my house and the line is 10 people deep....I mean how long does it take to microwave a stinkin' hotdog? 20 sec! Bun and all, lol!

And why people can't make a sandwich for lunch? Buying a sandwich on a regular basis is crazy. 2 pieces of bread, swipe some mayo and mustard, a piece of meat, (if you're lucky and cook meals you'll have lots of yummy leftover grilled, or roasted sources of protein) the possiblities of all kinds of other goodies are endless.

Tracy Reifkind said...


Never missing a workout has little to do with being a hardass and more to do with being an obsessive compulsive., LOL! which can work against us....big time! (We both know!)

My life is good....I live in California! Lots and lots of good fresh foods and my garage gym rarely gets below 40 degrees, I guess I better quit bitching.

PS You should find a Bikram yoga class....104 degrees, lol!