Friday, May 23, 2008
Butterfingers have been my drug of choice lately. And I say that because sugar is a drug to me. Not a little bit of sugar, alot of sugar....not one or two candy bars, but 3 king size candy bars and 2 regular sized candy bars, and even at that point I have to talk myself into stopping. Compulsive overeating has been my eating habit for too long. And for me compulsive overeating almost always starts with a sugar craving. When I start to crave sugar I'm not hungry. I'm not hungry for food that is...I'm looking for a "feeling". I'm looking to change my consciousness the way a drug would. The way alcohol or any other type drug can change the way we feel, sugar just happens to be the one I like.
Now, I'm not writing about my particular habit of eating too much sugar compulsively because I'm sad about it, or mad about it or depressed about it, or tortured by it, it is, what it is, that's all. I've been doing alot of reading, thinking and talking about compulsive overeating, and binge eating, but I don't dwell on the reasons why it became a habit, instead I'm looking for ways to change it, and I succed in changing it many times. And the reason why I want to continue to change it is because it's just not healthy, plain and simple.
It's not healthy for 2 reasons, the obvious is that it can make you become fat by consuming too many calories that your body doesn't need. But you can be a more normal bodyweight and still compulsively overeat by managing it in some sort of way....I'm an example of that! The other reason, and the reason why I'm changing it, is that it doesn't make me feel good to experience acting in a way that is counter productive to how I want to live...how I say I want to live and act. Mental health is as important as physical health. And although I'm not sad, mad, depressed, or tortured, it does create, or I should say, sometimes I let it create feelings of stress.
I know my body's natural weight set point is a reflection of healthy eating. Not just healthy foods, but healthy eating. I'm not at my body's natural set point....how do I know? Because I know what I'm eating and how I'm eating it...compulsively! Three king size, and 2 regular sized candy bars is not natural! I'm not afraid of ever being 250lbs again, I know that will never happen, but how exciting to know that once I truly establish the habit of healthy eating I'll weigh exactly what I'm supposed to, naturally, easily and at peace.