Hope...everyday of every year...

Here is a blogpost I wrote almost 4 years ago....really? Four years?

Hope for the New Year

So much has happened to me in the last few weeks, in the last few days, I can only wonder what this next year holds for me. Two years ago today I was happy. My life was good. Yes, I was fat, but I never defined myself by my weight. I always felt that I was smart, talented, and had a good life. I enjoyed eating alot of food and took responsibility for the results of that. In fact, besides being phyisically uncomfortable at times, I felt the biggest drawback of being so overweight was the judgement other people had about me becausde of my size. I felt invisible, not respected, and I did feel shame about my weight.

Being Mark Reifkind's wife, many times I wanted to hide. Married to a personal trainer, and being so overweight, I remember asking Mark, when he would want to introduce me to a client or friend ," Did you tell them I'm fat? You need to tell them I'm fat, because I don't want them to be surprised." I felt bad for him because I didn't want my weight to be a reflection of him. After all, should the "Worlds Best Personal Trainer" have such a fat wife?

I knew I had it in me to lose the weight and start exercising, I just didn't want to. Why? I don't even know the answer now. I think everyone knows how to lose weight. The question is why don't you want to? I, personally, don't think it matters why. You and I have the rest of our lives to try and figure that out, if we want to. It doesn't change the fact that 2+2=4. In otherwords, the fact is if you count your calories, eat less than you do now, and start some sort of exercise, you will lose weight. You don't need me to tell you that.

Instead of scientific facts, what I want to offer is hope. Hope that you can recover from being overweight. Hope that you can recover from being out of shape. Hope that you can recover from being ashamed. Hope, so you can feel healthy, strong and proud. And that you can also come through it looking and feeling better than you ever have before.

That's what training kettelbells has done for me. I tell everyone that my diet (food) changed the size of my body, but kettlebell training changed the composition of my body. And I wouldn't of believed it until I experienced it. Kettlebell training has given me hope. Hope that I can keep the weight off and feel and look great. Sometimes I think if I only would of known about KBs 10 years ago I might never have gained so much weight. I hope that you find the motivation this year, and if I can give you any, I will. If you have already found your motivation, like me, I hope you keep it going strong.

**********************************************************************
So much has changed, and then again nothing has changed. Back then I knew I had the answers...and now, sometimes, I find myself looking for the answers....forgetting I already have
them.

The day I shot the video for "4HB", I remember Tim Ferris telling me about the possibilities of being invited to appear on some of the morning talk shows like the "Today Show", or "Regis and Kelly" to promote the book. Someone commented on "Oprah", and Tim commented back, "Oprah calls you, you don't call Oprah!"

That's when it hit me. What am I looking for? I needed to stop looking, instead let "it" find me.


Mark found me.

The weightloss found me.

Kettlebells found me.

If Oprah is supposed to find me then, lucky for her, she will! lol

All of these things found me because I had hope and belief. I knew I would have all of these things. I didn't know when, and I felt impatient at times, but I always trusted that I was not wrong about what a special, smart, talented, and deserving person I was. I had to stop concerning myself with the details.

Last year I weighed around 150lbs, the year before around 132-135lbs. I had gained almost 20 lbs. 20lbs is alot of bodyweight, and it can turn into more quickly. I felt depressed for the first time in a long, long, long time....about my bodyweight! Heck, I wasn't this depressed when I weighed 250lbs+! I felt like I failed because I was no longer "tiny". I was no longer "a size 6 all day long". What did I do?

Well, I went back to what I already knew. My standard answer to the question, "How did you lose all of that weight?" was, "I stopped doing what was making me fat." So, I stopped doing what was making me 150lbs! I started eating a little bit less, and changed the composition and calorie density of my meals. I lost 10lbs before my Febuary re-Cert and have kept it off for a year now. I was eating too much of the wrong things, and I finally let what I already knew find me again.

I have never, for 1 second, been afraid of being obese again. I am not that person anymore. When I found myself weighing 20 lbs heavier I was pissed off, but not afraid. I was pissed off because I really thought that I really liked being thin and fit, or should I say feeling thinner, and feeling more fit? But it turns out I liked eating and drinking more! Lucky me. Here I am, approaching 2011, 5 years post 120lb weightloss. I currently weigh around 140lbs. Originally my "dream bodyweight" was 142lbs! I eat what I want to eat, I drink what I want to drink, I train as much as I want to train...and that's probably too much, lol!

I'm the first person to admit that I don't like defining new beginnings to the calender year, but as we approach January 1st 2011, let us all embrace the hope that it's never too late to realize our potential. Our own unique, incredible, unbelievable, achieveable physical potentials. "Training is the source." (Mark Reifkind).

PS for potential motivation and inspiration please take a look my blogpost archives at http://www.tracyrif.blogspot.com and also in the archives of this, my 2nd blog http://www.tracysfoodandthought.blogpost.com/. Pictures above: this year playing "This little piggy" with my precious Sophi, and one year before, Xmas Eve with Sophi!