Stuck between "Facebook and a Rock"

Personally I visit a handful of my favorite blogs on a regular basis and it NEVER ever surprises me when someone quits posting regularly, or doesn't post in weeks and weeks, then comes back to apologize for being "lazy", or "preoccupied" with real life!  It's actually kind of funny to me because I completely understand!  Blogging, if you do not get paid to do it, via sponsorship, is a ton of work, and commitment to your ego!  I'm a big fan of my ego, but at the end of the day, even my ego gets tired!

Harper One Publishing helped me set up my Facebook fanpage, The Swing, to which I post almost daily.  Of course I want to promote sales of my book, The Swing, but what I like about Facebook is that has helped me "edit".  I often describe myself as a "long story teller", which is something I really would like to change about my writing style.  Facebook, kinda, allowed me to, in fact requires me to, implement this more streamlined approach to getting down to the "meat" of an issue/idea/point.  And for that it's fun.  But I haven't found the motivation to try and keep up with the "long stories" here on this blog in trade for the instant gratification I get from posting on Facebook.

I'm at a point in my life that I only have so much.  I'm not trying to hold back, or be stingy at all.  In fact I will gladly give you free workouts, give you recipes, give you crazy pie in sky thoughts, as well as confessions of a salted pistachio nut binge! (or a 31 Flavor Ice Cream binge!)

The truth of my life is that I am coming into my 50th year.  I'm old....and I mean that in the nicest of ways!  I'm not afraid.  In fact I could care less, EXCEPT for the fact that I have so much more I want to do in my life, and the reality that it is halfway over, kind of, sucks....kind of.

Anyway, enough about that!  Recently on Facebook I posted my love for lemon and limes.  I posted a sweaty picture of myself.  I posted the latest of my new found love of GS sport, and training at Juno Fitness. Facebook is about what is on the surface....

What I will never post on Facebook is my adventures in menopause, injury, figuring out "life".  My old habits of thought that keep me reacting to feeling like the "fat kid", binge eating, weight loss and weight gain.  These are personal.  And you might find me writing about these things here, on my blog, but not anywhere else.  These kind of subjects can be scary if you can't see them for what they are.  These kinds of feelings are just that..."feelings"  "Feelings" are NOT "facts".  I remind myself of this often.

I've reposted this "before and after" photo to share something very personal with anybody reading this blog.  Here I present two photos of myself, side by side, and in one photo I remember feeling "cute" that day.  In the other I remember feeling horribly "fat and bloated", "flat and tired".  Can you guess which is which?

This is really a crazy, crazy, human, messed up way of judging ourselves and a extreme example of perfectionism.  In the "before" image, taken at a family reunion in 2004, I distinctly remember wearing my new, "cute", pink and white striped top and black cropped pants....feeling as cute as I could, given the fact that I weighed closer to 260lbs than ever that day.  In my "after" picture I weighed, oh, about 135lbs, feeling bloated, tired, fat, and "less than" my potential.  (slightly in my defense, I had trained for over 3 hours that morning and was exhausted). The irony is that I actually felt better about myself in the "before" image than the day the "after" image photo was taken.  How messed up is that?

Posting these words (and pictures) are a big risk I'm taking about what I have to "sell" about this idea of finding the answer to the magic of losing weight, training for fitness, and creating a body that reflects a healthy lifestyle.

All I know is that I have to show up.  I have to show up, do the work, and the body will follow.  I have to know how to trust.  Facebook, my blog, my book, is nothing compared to how I live my everyday life.  At the end of the day it's just me.

No Facebook.  No book.  No blog.  No rock.  No Tim Ferriss.  No Harper One.  No lemons, no limes.      

If there was anything better than The Swing, then I would be doing it....just sayin.  If it's not for you, then so be it.  I hope you do find what it is for you....and that's honestly how I feel.  For me, I need look no further.

For the everyday joy, and maybe a bit of entertainment you can find me on Facebook.  For the joys, and the grinds, you will find me here.  It may take a few days, but no holds barred.  I really can't care anymore.